They sneak up on you when you least expect them to. You are sitting cozily in a park, soaking in the morning sunshine and the beauty of the quiet, when their jarring voices blare from behind you:
“Do you have a day off? Where is your husband? Where is your kid? Did you put on weight? Is that a blackhead on your nose? Have you been arguing with your domestic help?”
You stare at them, unable to understand which question to answer first, if any at all. You smile and nod, silently wishing that a crane would drop from overhead and uproot them from the spot. But other gang members join them. Scores. Dozens. They get stronger while you slink back into the bench, cowering and cornered.
“I saw your husband at the mall the other day. I think he was with a colleague; she was very pretty.” Meaningful eye movement and cough.
“Weren’t you guys trying to get pregnant? You really should think about it, you know. Or is there something I don’t know about?” Oh, how can there be, you insufferable know-it-all.
“Why are you sitting here all alone? Did you fight with your family?” Of course. Non-warring family members always travel in large groups affixed with glue.
“Maybe she has problems with social anxiety,” suggests another. “Haven’t you always been rather”—and here you can sense that DEPLORABLE word approaching—“shy?”
By this time, you are desperately hunting for escape routes. The Nosey Gang feasts on the discomfort of others; it gorges on your hesitation and becomes more insistent every passing second. It wouldn’t do to attempt a polite walk-over anymore; you have to make a run for it.
“I…got to…run,” you manage to stutter.
“NOO!” they scream, as you take to your heels, wondering what you ever did to invite the wrath of The Gang With Impossibly Long Noses.
On your crazy run away from the gang, you feel your heart-rate escalating, your hair coming loose, the sun swiftly transforming from its early morning mildness to early afternoon ruthlessness. Your quiet beginning to the day all spoilt, you find yourself mulling over the inane questions posed by the Nosey Gang. Where would be a safe spot to escape them? Not your workplace, for they abound by the water-cooler. Not your neighbourhood café, for they frequent it to ferret out prey. Not even your balcony at home for they stare from theirs and observe every movement you make.
Sheesh, the Nosey Gang just made you paranoid and restless.
But at this point, you can take respite in one veritable fact: you made them restless too, to a much higher degree. Unanswered questions and unsated curiosity give them heartburn. People unwilling to talk to them or pander to their idle enquiries make their blood boil, their eyes pop, their nerves all jittery.
Ah, sweet revenge.
* * *
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Keep up with your sweet revenge! Well done!😂
I’m usually am the kinds like this – “There’s no business like staying the hell out of my business, so please stay out!”
Haha thank you, Richa ❤ Yes, strange how some people find others' business so very fascinating!
Ha! You’ve got my heart racing with this post! We had neighbours not unlike your nosy gang. It was a relief when they moved! I like your take on revenge. A good way to see it!
Phew, nosey neighbours can be so vexing, no? You must have taken deep breaths of relief! 🙂
Oh yes, this is the kind of revenge that turns out to be therapeutic 😀
🙂 I saw them last night when we went to vote. They have heard our conversation, ha ha!
Hahaha! We can’t beat them. 😀
But we can iggnore them 😛
Yep! That’s the spirit 😀
The nosey gang will sniff what you wrote about them and demand answers now, Deb! 😀 😀
Honestly, the more nosey people are, the more screwed up their own lives are. That’s what I’ve understood over time. They don’t understand boundaries or even basic manners. Leaving them wondering is the best form of revenge!
Oh no! Don’t scare me so, Varsh! 😛 😛
I agree with you completely. In my experience too, many of these people are troubled, dissatisfied, and ignorant of basic norms of civility.
Lol…. such nosey gangs are found everywhere. Keep up with your sweet revenge😂
Haha thank you, will do my best 😀
Ah, that revenge is so sweet, I cannmot even begin to tell you how I feel when I get up, leaving such peoples questions unanswered.
For me the questions vary like- How have you been?- Where do you live exactly, I don’t see you at all.- Are you sone studying, or you are going to study till you (die remain unspoken),- when are you getting married? you know you should think of it now like really, age chill ja rah hai tumhari- what do you do know? Do you work? How much do you earn? why did you come back to your hometown, couldn’t find a good job n a big city, huh>- oh, did I say when are you getting married, all your friends have?
To all of the above questions, I have one answer, a silent dumb smile! I really chose to remain mum, instead of giving heed to such nosey questions, and their reaction is so satisfying, when they don’t get that answer. Oh my!
Moushmi, my heartfelt sympathies ❤ The Nosey Gang is really getting nosier every day! I still can't fathom how some people have the audacity to ask how much we earn. How CAN they pester us to make/not make major life choices that should be our prerogative alone?
I love your response to such questions; it indeed is immensely gratifying to leave them gaping and restless. 😀 😀
I know, and sometimes they become so agitated that they keep twisting and asking the same questions again and again but it so gratifying to see them clueless in the end.😜🤣
Hahaha that sounds only a little bit sadistic 😛 Agree wholeheartedly! 😀
Rofl. Mr first post was about unsolu advice. And this well wishers featured there. Someday I really want to sit them down and tell them chal baith, aj batati hu story. After Tuneer was born, it was as if I had invited them to demand answers.
Oh yes, I remember 😀 I am going to use your dialogue the next time the gang descends on me: chal baith, aj batati hu story. 😛
I sincerely wish those were exaggerated versions of the nosiness you have faced in life! 😐 I cannot for one fathom how people can ask any personal question at all, unless extremely close!
I think I have escaped a lot of nosiness, and I think it is because I scare people off pretty well 😀
Well, honestly, only a little bit 😦
I am perpetually surrounded by nosey people and it does nothing for my paranoia. But yes, scaring people off is a good way out – with me, it often comes across as a hankering need for “privacy”, but oh well 😀
Ha ha. The nosey gang is such a reality. And their signature dialogue is – but its life after all. We were only suggesting. So much for all the nosiness!!
Absolutely spot-on! 😛 They are experts at showering us with wise dialogues like that one.