I Love, Hence I’m Insecure

I had read in a psychology journal long ago that the insecure at heart also tend to be defensive. When we lack conviction in something – a project, our beliefs – we compensate by being extra stubborn at standing up for it. Around me, increasingly, I see this in action every day. 

R went last week to get our Aadhaar cards linked with our new phone numbers. He was told there’s apparently a “drawing of lots” that happens, with only 20 people getting through at a time. It was the only day-off in the week that R could get this done, and turns out, it all depended on luck. When he spoke about the incident to some acquaintances, he was given the full dope about how “India was a large country with millions of people, and things took time”. India’s “large population” was also the reason we didn’t have better traffic management, better waste disposal practices, and better-behaved people.

India was a great country, and everyone’s heart was full of goodness, but the abuse, pushing and groping you encountered in public transport or the streets was because of “population”. Or, “geography”. Or “people like you who leave the country and then don’t come back”.

Today, it is only “traitors” who criticise their country. A true patriot lauds his country, rapes and all, even if that means trampling on the feet of all other “Western countries devoid of any culture”. People who date in high-school are uncouth and animal-like, but rapists who assuage their animal lust on babies are extremely civil.

I was telling someone the other day how I thought Switzerland was stunning and how I’d love to visit again. Guess what I was told? “Switzerland is s*itty; you should come to Shillong and learn to appreciate your own country first.” Of course, how dare I connote that there was any place in the world more beautiful than the dusty, smoke-filled streets “back home”?

Surprisingly, being proud of your own heritage now means bringing down everyone else’s and being blind to your faults. Everywhere I look, I see angry people turning against someone for daring to have a different opinion. I see one crazed mob after another drilling down propaganda into innocent, ignorant minds. I feel everything take a backseat – a love for art, music, peace – to screaming your “love” for your country.

I did hear that love is always patient and kind, never boastful or conceited, but I guess, like the peace that once abounded in our streets, that idea of love is also extinct. For all intents and purposes, this newfangled love is squealing, stubborn and unflinchingly defensive. It is also toxic, but hey, love takes what it needs, right?