It’s that time of the year again. When the year that’s been by your side all this while starts feeling old, and you can’t wait to shake it off, like a bad habit, and embrace the new. Or, at another extreme, you cannot let go of all that the year has shown you, and are afraid that the coming year may not be as compassionate. At this time every year, many of us ritually go through the process of thinking about resolutions. In simple terms – what can I do to become a better and happier person in the times to come? Sounds very noble when put like that, doesn’t it? After all, what’s the human spirit if not keen on bettering itself continually? When I think about it, there are so many resolutions I could make.
For example, I could make a resolution to not start my day by staring into the phone screen. I mean, I can just switch off the alarm clock and look outside the window, into the darkness of early dawn. Or roll over and look at R, sleeping away merrily. Or better still, invest in an old-fashioned alarm clock.
I could resolve to quit worrying about everything that could go wrong and focus instead on what’s right. How I managed to get out of bed and shower and fix breakfast, for example. Or how my hair doesn’t look like it got an electric shock. Little things are also significant, even more significant to be honest, considering the big things happen so rarely.
I could even promise to develop healthier eating habits. Or blog more often. Or not crib about not getting time, and start creating it instead.
My point is, there are so many things I need to get working on, so many things amiss with my system, so much work needed in departments ranging from my mind right down to my feet (which are excessively dry in this crazy -4 degrees-in-the-day winter). But if I start obsessing about fixing all of them, and planning to do it with set resolutions, the entire year will go by just making a plan. And there will be the next year already, beckoning at the door, laughing at me a little.
So, I have decided it is better not to have a list of resolutions, really, but still try to look at this as a new start. Heck, even a Monday after a depressing weekend sometimes seem nice. The end of a month that’s been particularly bad holds some promise. And this is the end of a whole year! It has been a strange kind of year for me. A year when I have started living in a fresh city, in a fresh country. (“Oh you don’t know the kind of whirlwind demonetisation has brought for us!”) When I have been exposed to long hours of solitude (“Don’t you get bored without friends?” – not that I ever had many (any?), to be honest), and a sense of companionship with R even deeper than I felt before (“When are you going to have children?” – note the ‘when’, not an ‘if’, if you please). I have been faced with new challenges at work and at home, as disorienting as unending stress, and as trifling as eggs that always break in my hands.
Whew. I can’t believe it’s going to be a new year. Sometimes, when I look back at the last couple of years, they all seem to blend together, one indistinguishable from the other. See this, for instance, or this. That’s not to say that every year hasn’t brought new and enriching moments, but it does feel like a time warp. Like time moved too fast and I was peeling potatoes or writing e-mails or something. It’s not like when I was in school and every year made its presence felt with milestones that seemed so big and serious back then – Board exams, which stream to choose, the farewell, you know what I mean? But maybe, deep inside my innocent heart that only children can have, I felt like this even back then. I am not sure. I should have documented my thoughts more.
Coming back to the present, there’s just one day left in this old year. And then we will draw the curtains, attempt to absorb the lessons, and try to retain the freshness of the new for as long as possible. Some of us will wake up hungover the first day of the year, or the first afternoon, maybe. Others will be up at the stroke of dawn, putting to action their resolution to be the next fitness sensation.
I wonder what the New Year holds for me and for R. I have a feeling we will find out as we go.
Happy New Year, guys. It will soon be here.