5 Search Terms That Made My Saturday

*Picture from http://www.buzzfeed.com

The internet is really the biggest human museum of our times. It allows you deep insight into the functioning of the human brain (and a bundle of giggles while you’re at it). As I randomly sat analyzing the kind of search terms that have led people here, I came across a few which deserve wider discussion and acclaim:

I write a poem about food paneer: Oh, you do? Why, that’s what I spend all my weekends doing! Here’s one dedicated especially to you lest you come scouting for odes to paneer again:

Dear paneer, why are you at a boil?
Is it because we fried you in hot oil?
But when we bake you, if you recall –
you are usually not pleased at all!
I suggest you put on a smile, there!
After all, you must have your share –
of worldly rules, of water and fire,
you can’t always have what you desire!

List of Punjabi gaalis: I have utterly failed at eradicating foul gaalis/swear words here. Punjabi gaalis, it seems, are the flavour of the season and (shame, shame) my blog is where they are being sourced from. You wait, seeker of gaalis. I will put up a gigantic gaali repellent that will fill your mind with the kind of mantras on Aastha channel in the mornings.

How to hack DMRC Metro Card: Are you listening, Delhi police? Rush! I am sure you can still catch these scoundrels who are trying to mess up the brilliant Delhi Metro rail system. And I was only giving some harmless tips on managing the massive crowds! *weeps big tears*

Maggi noodles ban not Maggi tomato ketchup: Big hug to you my man, or my lady! Here’s someone who finally understands this judgment for what it is. Dear grocery stores in Pune, it is only Maggi noodles that has been banned and you’ve removed Maggi Pasta, Maggi Tomato Ketchup and Maggi masala from the shelves! Please spare us the overdose of love and protection and do only what is required.

Most expensive flour: If you haven’t come across this 180 crore variant of flour available in Delhi, you are blessed. While price rise is certainly in our face, when something as everyday as flour becomes SO out of reach, it sure is the end of the world! I sympathize with whoever drew some comfort here. Yes, the expensive flour you use is nowhere close to what some people in “Gorgon” have to “parchice”.

Do not love: Dear searcher, is everything alright? While I admit love can sometimes leave you with a broken heart, please do not make this your mantra! Not unless you are talking about staying away from toxic things like a car whose price is always accelerating or a job that requires you to give up living. If you’re looking to lighten up the load in your heart, may I suggest this, this and this?

All this talk about people and search terms has given me an idea. I will go search for “how to make Sunday be here faster and stay here longer”. So long then!

Thank you for the inspiration behind this post, Shailaja.