1. I am a Busy Man
The Delhi-wallah* is almost at the end of the exit queue at the Metro station. He is pleased he will finally be in time for work and has rosy images of crowing over everyone else at his appraisal due in September. His card is ready to be swiped and feet ready to run. And alas! The one person ahead of him messes up. The idiot doesn’t have enough balance in his card or is simply dumb enough to not realize he is holding up meetings much more important than the swearing-in of ministers. Looks haven’t killed, even at Hogwarts. But the Delhi-wallah still makes an attempt.
2. Me First!
In his glossy new car (which pinches his pocket with a small fortune of an EMI each month), the Delhi-wallah is feeling like the king of the world. He just screamed at three people in office; the new people had to be taught the ropes you see. He is contemplating bossing over his dog back at home, when lo and behold, a smaller, much dirtier car slinks ahead of him and disappears down the street. He has been beaten! He peers down the street and the things he wishes for the car-driver are not stated here, keeping in terms with censorship rules.
3. I am the Best
The Delhi-wallah is sprawled in front of his television, acquired in the New Year at a ‘shockingly high price’ (quoted verbatim from his conversations with colleagues at work). The television is excellent; the sound and display even better than promised. The doorbell rings. It is the loathsome neighbour, holding a packet of sweets. He has bought a new television! ‘Oh we rejected that one.’ the neighbour says, pointing derogatively at his New Year television. ‘Can’t settle for inferior quality you see.’ The Delhi-wallah makes two mental notes. One, to give up on one meal daily and buy a better television than the loathsome neighbour with his flea-infested sweets. Two, to throw stones straight at the loathsome neighbour’s new television, discreetly yet effectively.
4. What Family?
He enjoys living an open book life, the Delhi-wallah does. He screams his party plans for the benefit of everyone in the Metro coach. He smokes his branded cigarettes in public places. He pees exactly on the walls which prohibit the same. He posts real-time updates of the food he eats and the nightclubs he frequents. Moreover, he is readily available for all his dearer-than-life friends. ‘Will you be late tonight as well, beta?’ says the Mom over phone. ‘Can you stop embarrassing me, Mom?! I can’t share my life minute-by-minute with you!’ The Delhi-wallah proceeds to update his Facebook status to ward off the irritation, the poor thing.
5. I Got There First
Our Delhi-wallah is back from a fantastic vacation in Shimla. There was snow; there were apples. He clicked tons of pictures and is itching to upload them everywhere possible. However, all is not be to hunky dory. A friend has returned from a vacation in Bali. There are updates from airport check-in to sitting-in-the-taxi back in India. Our Delhi-wallah’s face falls. The jerk had to choose that very week to show off his foreign holidays. He issues an update on ‘My Fantastic Trip to Switzerland’, sans the pictures. He could always say the camera malfunctioned.
*The references are to certain and not all Delhi-wallahs. I wouldn’t do that; I love the city too much.