*Disclaimer: The bitterness of the post below is directed to a section of drinkers who think they are cooler than thou courtesy their expertise and experience in the drinking department. Though it may seem like a non drinker casting aspersions on drinkers in general, the intention is not to offend anyone’s personal habits. Still, any offence may please be forgiven.*
What’s a little swig of beer? Or vodka, if you please? It’s just a bitter concoction with chemical powers hidden in the recesses. These powers are best put to use when you need to unwind, to forget misery or merely, to be the coolest in your group of cool people.
So, do only cool people drink?
What about the man who lives in the shambles near the building under construction, swigging away to glory every time the Pune sun sets on a pleasant evening? Oh, he drinks a local brand. Probably procured for peanuts at the local store – equally shady. The cool people get high quality stuff, available at light-and-music lounges, in interesting glasses. You need to dress up to go to these places or the bouncers will bounce you away. Ha! Such fun to act up all important and beautiful to impress the brawny men outside these rock and metal places. The grannies just don’t get it. What, after all, is a celebration without booze? The feeling of alcohol gushing about in your insides can give anything a run for its money. Just about anything that is, for speeding down Pune’s lanes at breakneck speeds and shouting along with hipshaking music come close in the cool race.
Of course I don’t mean to be sarcastic. What made you think so? Alcohol is very important. Apparently it brings a glow on the face and helps you “chill”. I have even heard people talk about how their Daddies used to give them teeny-weeny swings to stay warm. A-ha! And my Daddy believed in the goodness of Dabur Laal Tel, groundnuts and hot ghar ka khaana. Such a shame.
I don’t mind drinkers. They come in multiple types and can be quite entertaining when they are not puking. There are social drinkers, for example. These noble souls advocate the importance of sharing a glass with your boss or your powerful colleague. “Things don’t get done otherwise.” they say out aloud. Behind my back, they shake their heads. Wiling away her life poor thing, they murmur. The pity they all share for the losses my life has been totalling up to is so immense that I am awed. All for my lack of the drinking spirit. Let alone the mature, de-stressing drinker, I can’t even come to terms with the social butterflies. I will forever remain the caterpillar. With spectacles around my eyes and water in a casket.
Really, sometimes I get too judgmental. All’s well in the world for me as long as the grass is green and the sky is blue. But, like the big people who come for uptown talk shows, let me get Global Warming and Climate Change to shoulder some of the blame.
So much for the dear drinkers. I think I will go get myself some nice and cool, sparkling water. I might need some to dust off the unconditional apathy my glasses have collected for the alcohol-lovers of Pune.