Move away Bangalore, Pune is India’s new IT hub. With scores of IT companies mushrooming in this quiet old Maharashtrian city, the former concrete jungle has some stiff competition. But if you’re like D – who happens to be my harebrained, silly and romantic alter – and you find yourself one day among geeky software developers, then you could do with some preventive measures.
Prevention of course, from falling in the dire illness they call love. Poor D, she is still overwhelmed with how she opened her eyes one overcast morning to a scary looking Visual Studio screen (and she vows her fate has been one of the major catalysts behind Microsoft’s Silverlight – they couldn’t rest till they proved every cloud has a silver lining). She was trying her best to code away to perfection like the intelligent looking people in other cubicles. And bang came something to make her task more difficult – now she fails to find rest even in a one-day weekend, even after C-O-D-I-N-G the whole week. The midsummer clouds in Pune’s air have done little to hold her tight and stop her from falling head first in the alluringly dangerous quicksand of love. Dear D, my deepest sympathies.
Here is the checklist I have prepared for her, in no particular order of priority. I hope the coming week sees her act on the instructions and steadily, even if painfully, recover.
Five Ways to Stop Falling In Love:
2. Eating together? Not such a good idea: There is something very romantic about eating together. Okay, I don’t mean those formal lunches with your in-laws or your paunchy old boss who keeps talking of his US trip. But after a hard worked morning, sitting down together at a table, passing salt and vegetables and glasses and trying not to blush at accidental brushes of the hand — undoubtedly enticing. Humph. What are your thoughts on a diet, D?
3. Say no to colour, bring on the whites: Red is the colour of love. D laughed at this earlier until I caught her one day smiling about a new red dress with matching red earrings and even a red handbag to match. The redder you are, the redder is the blush on your cheeks when he smiles in your direction. This is the perfect time to re-establish the chastity of white. Be drab for a while, you’ll thank me for it later.
4. Play hide and hide and don’t be sought: Coming to office together ensures he is the first thought you have in the morning. But D’s case is worse – they leave office together. So his thoughts stay with her all night and she can’t wait for it to be morning again. Besides, she even machines her timings to suit his if she’s done with her work otherwise. Poor, poor thing. D, treat yourself to a chocolate each time you leave office alone. A few calories gained is much better a standing than a broken heart.
5. Read science fiction: Romance and literature go hand in hand. Even in the darkest and glossiest of mysteries, the climax can be about unmasking the villain’s real murder motive – avenging the suicide of his ex-lover who was forced to drink phenyl owing to her philandering and manipulative and *insert expletives here* of a boss. I am going to buy D some science fiction. Planets, space missiles, volcanoes. So unless they talk about robots all gooey eyed for each other, I think they will help D emerge from her rose coloured dreams.
There are scores of other things that I’ll make her do – such as imagining him in Easter bunny makeup, creating a spreadsheet of the differences they share in eating habits – chicken being the leader there – and peering through an imaginary crystal ball that shows him wearing a marriage garland around his neck and grinning like a Cheshire cat. But all that for later. So, D, Monday onwards you are on mission.