Over the weekend, I spent some time flipping television channels. Subsequently, I exposed myself more to commercials than actual programming content. Nevertheless, I realized the gamut of knowledge that we have been missing out on, what with the number of television watchers dwindling with time. Presented below is a list of a few life-lessons waiting to be learnt on TV:
#1. Children of the new generation are massive know-it-alls. They have opinions on the latest gadgets, the way their Dads should have built the house and how their presence in the room prevents Uncle and Aunt from sharing a private moment. With all the new knowledge, they are also infinitely more irritating and make parenting sound intimidating beyond belief.
#2. A party isn’t complete without scantily clad women, a water body, booze and music. You might argue that this is old news. Ah, but the demand for these parties is now high enough to warrant men, especially the hairy types, call random numbers to get themselves invited.
#3. Forget cars, money and all that jazz, a man’s true self-worth comes from the whiteness of his clothes. It is a worthy enough subject for mothers to argue over, for security personnel to prevent you from entering the premises and for you to look at yourself in a whole new light.
#4. The world is now extremely health conscious. To cut down on sugar intake, they actually call their beverages “calorie-drinks”. They run around, claiming they are ‘impatient since birth’, before grabbing their bottle of cola.
#5. Nothing gives a man strength like a clean, well-fitted vest. It is the most coveted weapon if you need to handle a mob, rescue a girl from eve teasers or generally throw around your weight. It works quite like the fairness cream does for women, starting from getting them jobs to giving them the confidence to reject a potential husband.
#6. You aren’t truly contented/at peace with yourself till you can sit back in your car and chew some pan masala/elaichi. This is the stuff that makes you grand and the world then looks upon you with awe. It also makes you big-hearted.
#7. It’s so much fun calling a couple of friends home and testing the newest facewash/moisturizer/shampoo. You can compare results, do patch tests on the skin and the winner gets a big smiley face. The days when friends used to sit back and watch a movie/talk are passé. Bring on the consumerism!
#8. Like the sun rising from the east each morning, there are truths one must accept at face value. For instance, the coolest celebrities wear bathroom slippers on the ramp, attribute their fitness to umpteen different dietary supplements and oh, colour their hair at home, using cheap little packets.
#9. It is awe-inspiring how certain products can, subliminally, enhance your patriotism and sincerity towards national duties. A good bike, a good vest, chocolate, noodles – they all do the job. You have no excuse for not visiting the polling booth.
#10. The world is now supremely confident. Whenever you feel low/nervous, try one of the following: deodorant, an ‘intimate’ wash, a new wardrobe from an online retailer, shampoo, bleach. Check back for additions to the list.
We welcome inputs towards the ongoing work on a ‘Compendium of Life-lessons from Modern Day Advertising’. Please write in with the same below. :D